Sunday, August 18, 2019

424. Five Things I Hate


Anniversary.  One week ago last Friday, on August 16, 2018, Bob, my partner of 50 years, died quietly in our West Village apartment.  My mourning now takes the shape of working with his 29 diaries, 9 photo albums, and voluminous correspondence to combine them with my own reminiscences and comments in a joint memoir.   In time everything will go to the gay history archive at the Gay Center on West 13th Street, but two subcollections will go to the Center next month.  And now ...

File:Borough Hall of Brooklyn.jpg
Sandro Mathys
Do you recognize it?  Borough Hall in Brooklyn.  A beautiful old building, but next month -- on Sunday, September 22, to be exact -- nobody will be looking at it, because the ample space around it will be hosting the annual Brooklyn Book Festival, open that day only, and outdoors, rain or shine, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.  BROWDERBOOKS -- meaning Silas and me and my books -- will be there, though the Powers That Be have yet to tell us the number and location of our table, now a week overdue.  Still, judging by last year, it can be a fun scene, attracting a cross-section of the city's population, dogs and bikes included.

          Another Brooklyn note, lest residents of that noble Borough think that I, a longtime Manhattanite, deem them unworthy of comment.  Far from it.  Followers of this blog know the morbid fascination inspired in me by Brooklyn's very own Gowanus Canal, once a jaunty little trickle of a creek freshening the rural swards of Brooklyn.  Alas, the genius of American engineering transformed it into the industry-plagued Gowanus Canal of today, whose waters were once plied daily by a hundred ships.  One of the most polluted sites in the nation, today its stink reaches far beyond the narrow confines of its sewage-strewn waters.  

File:Gowanus Canal (8696186927).jpg
In the background, a newly reopened subway station.  
As for the foreground, the less said the better.
The All-Nine Images

Those waters have now been dredged, purified, and even ceremonially blessed, in a fierce campaign to clean them up and gentrify the neighborhood, but still the stink persists.  Yet there is hope, for I am now told on good authority that the cleanup continues, with installation of a cut-off wall to keep industrial waste -- in this case, tar -- from further polluting the canal.  Also planned is the construction of a sewer overflows retention tank, whose purpose its name sufficiently describes. So the work continues, plus the dream of a purified waterway where children can safely romp, and pleasure craft bob merrily about.  Ah, may that happy day come -- though it won't come soon.  And now, with my blessing hard upon these troubled waters, I shall confess and glorify my hates.  But first ...

I'm on Facebook (more or less).  For my personal page, go here.  For my business page, go here.  And please, oh please, "like" the business page, if you can.  I'm trying to play the Facebook game, and "likes" are a part of it.  And now for my five favorite hates.  Facebook is not -- not yet, at least -- one of them.


1.   wienies
2.   jackhammers
3.   pop-up ads
4.   "Happy Birthday to You"
5.   coffee enemas


1.   Once, in the dining hall at college, I got one with its jacket not removed.  The jacket listed the ingredients, a conglomeration of meat scraps so disgusting that it gave me a lifelong disgust for the product.

File:Hotdog too.jpg
Eric Guinther
2.   The genius of American technology: we put a man on the moon, but have never muffled a jackhammer.

File:Colombia Jackhammer 01.jpg

3.   They’ll never hook me this way.  And if I can’t click them off, I leave the website at once, and forever.
4.   It isn't sung, it's screeched.  I've never heard it sung remotely on key.  In this regard, it outdoes even the Star-Spangled Banner.  By all means wish people a happy birthday, just don't try to sing it.
5.   Never had one.  Said to be a healing modality, but they strike me as a waste of good coffee.

Five  Weird  Things  I  Love

1.   slime molds
2.   snakes
3.   spiders
4.   sharks
5.   Destroying Angel


1.   They are infinitely varied in form, ranging from clusters of little black spheres to chains of yellowish pretzels to shapeless red blobs to little brown balls.  And they change with time: what is white and oozy in the morning may be a hard black crust by night.  The names themselves enchant me: multigoblet slime, carnival candy slime, wolf’s milk slime, red raspberry slime, pretzel slime.  I have seen a few of them on damp stumps in autumn woods, but never enough.  They are weird, they are beautiful.

File:Mycetozoa in Italy.jpg
Tiia Monto
File:Slime Mold - Killarney, Ontario 02.jpg
Not always beautiful
Rodney Hodnett


2.  Ever since Eve in the garden tempted stupid Adam, snakes have been hated.  (Remember: Satan, to tempt her into picking the apple, took the form of a serpent.)  But I find them beautiful.  (Not Adam and Eve; snakes.)  They slither and slide in the grass, and when threatened, coil.  They are lithe, cunning, elusive, utterly sensual, perhaps wicked.  But perhaps not: in our climate, only the pit vipers and coral snake are poisonous, and they would much rather slither away than confront us, monsters that we are in comparison.   (Why no illustration here?  Ask my computer; it puts the illustration elsewhere.)

3.   These are good guys, they kill mosquitos and flies.  Yes, the black widow eats her mate after sex, but that’s a problem for lusting male spiders, not us.  In fact, their sex life is far richer than ours, involving, bondage, rape, chastity belts, castration, and suicide.  When I find one in my apartment – which is rare – I transport it to a window and release it into nature, where it will surely thrive.

File:ComputerHotline - Thomisidae sp. (by).jpg
A spider eating a fly.
Thomas Bresson

File:Black widow spider 9854 lores.jpg
A black widow spinning her web on a tree branch.

4.   I know them from aquariums, where their streamlined bodies dart and swirl, their mouths showing dagger-like teeth, while their eyes look cold and merciless.  I wouldn’t want to meet one in the wild, but in the Coney Island aquarium, with a good, thick glass wall between us, I marvel at their long, supple bodies, their deft grace in the water.  They are efficient machines for killing.  Scary, yes, but beautiful.

File:Dharavandhoo Thila - Hanifaru Bay Sharks.jpg
Shiyam ElkCloner

5.   Amanita virosa.  An Amanita mushroom, characterized by (1) a ring or annulus, the remains of a partial veil; (2) a cap with remnants of the universal veil; and (3) a volva, an enlarged base consisting of a cuplike structure, the remains of the universal veil.  (The partial veil protects the spore-developing gills on the lower surface of the cap.  The universal veil encloses the entire mushroom.  Both veils are broken as the mushroom matures.)  And why is it important to note these three characteristics?  Because they say AMANITA, and Amanitas include some of the deadliest mushrooms in the world, responsible for countless deaths.  I often saw this one in the woods while vacationing on Monhegan Island, Maine, its classic white mushroom silhouette sharp against the dark trunks of the spruce trees.  

File:Amanita virosa-04.jpg

File:Destroying Angel stem base.jpg
The volva, or base, of Destroying Angel.
Jason Hollinger

Look at it, but don’t pick and eat it, unless you want to devastate your liver (which may have to be replaced), vomit, have diarrhea, and depart this earth. Destroying Angel: beautiful, but deadly.

Coming soon:  How to get rid of junk mail: a sure-fire ruthless guide.

©  2019  Clifford Browder

Thursday, August 15, 2019

423. Hospital charts, or why doctors should take English 101

Hospital charts, or why doctors 
should take English 101

A surprise minipost: samples of doctors' remarks about their patients on hospital charts; I invent not.

  • Patient has two teen-age children, but no other abnormalities.
  • Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • Skin: somewhat pale but present.
  • On the second day the knee was better, and on the third it disappeared.
  • Patient refused autopsy.
  • Patient has chest pain if he lies on his left side for over a year.
  • Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • Discharge status: alive but without my permission.

Next time you're in a hospital, who knows what they may say about you?  One more reason to stay healthy.  Think positive, avoid too much sun, eat veggies and lots more fiber.

Coming soon:  As announced: Five Things I Hate.

©  2019  Clifford Browder

Sunday, August 11, 2019

422. Karposi's Sarkoma, a Deadly Mystery


Work continues on my next nonfiction title.  The exciting front cover is done, I have okayed the interior design, and have offered suggestions for the back-cover blurb.  I'll say more, once a few basics have been settled.

To see my Facebook personal page, go here.  To see my new Facebook business page, go here.  Silas's head and mine are cut off, but at least you'll see the books.  (Brooklyn Book Festival, 2018.)  Sometimes these links work, and sometimes they don't.  Good luck!

So now that I've got a Facebook business page, what do I do with it?  Any suggestions?  Of course Facebook wants me to do ads, so as to put shekels in their coffers.

Small Talk

          I haven't small-talked for quite a while, even though small talk is usually preferable to big talk, being easier to take.  I thought I would mention two former posts, one that used to be the most visited one on the blog, and the one that replaced it.  The no. 1 post today is #125, "Remarkable Women: Eliza Jumel."  Its popularity is quite understandable, since it tells the story of a prostitute's daughter who became the friend of two ex-kings and a future emperor.  The main problem in telling it is deciding which version of Madame Jumel's many accounts of her origins and early years we should believe; I did my best.  Her story has great appeal for feminists today.  (To read the post, go here.  It also appears as chapter 13 in my nonfiction title Fascinating New Yorkers.  For this and my other books, go here.)

          The post that used to rank no. 1 is more controversial. Originally published as #43, it is now republished as #239: "Man / Boy Love: The Great Taboo."  When I self-published my first nonfiction title, No Place for Normal: New York / Stories from the Most Exciting City in the World (Mill City Press, 2015), I wanted to include the post as a chapter, but Mill City, the outfit helping me self-publish, refused to include it, if the book was published under their name; they feared legal repercussions.  I was free to publish it under my own name, but I chose not to, since this would have involved inventing a publisher, acquiring ISBNs and bar codes, and other complications.  What did Mill City fear?  Probably, a lawsuit by parents whose underage son had been molested by an older man.  But I only endorsed completely consensual relationships then, and still do now.  To fully grasp my position, you have to read the post. I much regret that it never appeared in the book.  (To read the post, go here.  I am not responsible for certain oddities in the text. Blame my computer.)

                   Karposi's Sarkoma,                    a Deadly Mystery

         A few weeks ago I was visiting the public library at Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street for the first time in years.  Going down a long third-floor hallway whose walls were covered with material celebrating the Stonewall riots of fifty years ago, I entered the north hall of the ornate reading room, en route to room 328, the Brooke Russell Astor Reading Room for Rare Books and Manuscripts, at the very end of the room.  There, being expected (one doesn’t go there casually), I signed in and was admitted.  A hushed atmosphere prevailed, and only one or two other patrons were present, their nose deep in a manuscript.  I showed my I.D., took a seat, and waited, armed only with a pencil and a sheet of paper (nothing else, pens included, is allowed).  Soon they brought me the item I had come to see: The Spencer Beach and Barry Leach memorabilia, 1976-1985, a single file of AIDS-related correspondence, photographs, and memorial cards.  Why did this carefully preserved material interest me?  Because I had known both Spencer and Barry, but only a day or two before, in googling Spencer’s name to verify the year of his death, had I discovered the existence of this file.  To explain, I’ll have to leap back in time to 1982, and then even further back to 1940.

         In February 1982 I got an invitation from Barry Leach, a West Village neighbor and acquaintance, notifying me of a memorial service for his partner Spencer Beach.  I was stunned.  I had known Spencer since seventh grade back in our home town, Evanston, Illinois.  I hadn’t seen Spencer for a year or two, didn’t even know he was sick. The service would be held at St. Luke in the Fields, an Episcopal church on Hudson Street near Christopher in the West Village, but a short walk from my building.  I knew the church, had often walked in its gardens.  Of course I would go.    

         Spencer and I had met in seventh grade in 1940 and went through junior high and high school together.  He was dark-haired, full-faced, fleshy, well-mannered and witty, but in appearance anything but tidy.  Though bright, at school he was always in trouble, usually because he talked too much – wittily, but much too much.  Just to get him from one classroom to another was a problem.  He was not allowed to walk with the other boys; instead, while the boys filed down the hall, another boy in our class – a born disciplinarian, as tight-lipped and strict as Spencer was lackadaisical and loquacious – was assigned to march him through the halls.  Stories of Spencer’s misadventures at school regaled my mother for years; she thought them outrageously funny.

         Spencer’s refinement was made apparent to me one week when, quite by chance, I left a handkerchief at his house and another at the home of a classmate and friend, Dick Sherill.  Dick returned the handkerchief, soiled and crumpled, and held at arm’s length between two fingers, with a look of extreme distaste.  But Spencer returned the other handkerchief, folded neatly and freshly laundered, with a faint trace of cologne.  Yes, for a thirteen-year-old male, he was exquisitely refined.  And as final proof of it, he alone of all my friends said “Excuse me” if he farted.

         During those pre-high-school years, while other boys tossed footballs or slugged baseballs in dreary vacant lots, Spencer and I were doing fantasy skits where he might be the king of some imaginary country, and I his treacherous prime minister, scheming to overthrow him.  Enlivening our drama, if we were at my house, was my mother’s handsome black cape from France, which, when draped from Spencer’s shoulders, marvelously enhanced his royal dignity.  And when it cloaked my mischief, I smiled cunningly from its ample folds, the very essence of treachery and deceit.  We were, of course, gay, though we didn’t know it.  At the time I was actually attracted to girls, my interest in them lacking just one essential: good old hard-core lust.

         Spencer’s affinity for royalty, especially British royalty, was longstanding and pronounced.  In his young years he had posed as a monarch, improvising a crown and scepter, and bribing his younger sister to attend him as some kind of courtier or functionary.  And when we were in his bedroom, he would interrupt our trivial talk with the sudden reverential announcement, “And now we are going to look at my scrapbook of the coronation.”  From a desk drawer he then produced a large scrapbook full of newspaper clippings, both articles and photographs, reporting the coronation of King George VI in 1937. 

         The photos showed legions of yeomen of the guards with long pikes, and horse guards with plumed hats, attending an ornate centuries-old carriage – solid gold, Spencer assured me – drawn by four teams of horses.  Inside the coach, barely visible, was the soon-to-be-crowned king.  Then, inside Westminster Abbey, Spencer’s slightly blurred photos showed hosts of ermine-caped dignitaries, the duke of this and the bishop of that, and the future king and queen with long trains carried by attendants.  Spencer explained each photo: the anointing of the king with holy oil, then his receiving a sword, a royal orb, a gold girdle, a mantle, and finally, from the venerable hands of the Archbishop of Canterbury, the crown.  Adorning his noggin now was a monstrously big hunk of gold, silver, jewels, and ermine-trimmed velvet that I would have hated to have burdening my brow.  At the end of the ceremony the solemn-faced king seemed overly garbed and overly whelmed by all this paraphernalia, but Spencer described each object in awed tones that precluded any criticism.  Finally, with great care and solemnity, he shut the scrapbook, as if he had just witnessed the ceremony himself.  He had shown me, I later realized, Britain’s last great splurge of pomp and circumstance, before the sobering horrors of the war.

File:Crowning of George VI.jpg
The crowning of George VI.
From an illustration of the time.

         Also distinguishing Spencer was his talk.  Always entertaining, it was superior, unique.  He told me

·      How according to a contemporary chronicler, Queen Elizabeth of England “taketh a bath once a year, whether she needeth it or no.” 
·      How he once heard his matriarchal grandmother comment to his mother on Edward VIII’s abdication of the British throne to marry Wallis Simpson, an American socialite already divorced once, with a second divorce pending: “He has abandoned the ship of state for a tramp steamer!”  (Spencer’s obsession with royalty was obviously a family addiction.)
·      How in Victorian times the verb “sweat” was too gross to be used for humans.  “Animals sweat, people perspire, and young ladies glow.”
·      How the young Chopin died of a venereal disease contracted from his mistress, George Sand.

This last, patently untrue, he probably told me so as to see how gullible I was.  When entertaining stories came from him, I was probably much too gullible.

File:Vincenzo Laviosa - Duke and Duchess of Windsor - Google Art Project.jpg
The Duke and Duchess of Windsor, their titles after
 his abdication.  Does she look like a tramp steamer?

         Years passed, and we went our separate ways, first to college and then, me to Europe and New York, and Spencer to the Army.  Yes, Spencer, so well-mannered, so dignified in his monarchical fantasies enhanced by my mother’s cape, served two years in the Army!  It was the Cold War, and only my 4F status due to a heart murmur kept me out.  When I saw Spencer later, gone was his childhood obsession with royalty, though not his manners and deftness of speech.  In the most matter-of-fact way he assured me that he could operate thirteen infantry weapons of the United States Army.

         In the 1970s Spencer, now in his forties, got in touch with me again.  By now Spencer and I were long since out, and he and his partner Barry were living at 100 Bank Street, but a short distance from where I and my partner Bob were living.  Of course we met and socialized.  Spencer’s partner, Barry Leach, struck me as youthful for his years (he was in his fifties), but also wise, mature, and compassionate.  A recovered alcoholic, in the spare time his regular job allowed him, he worked closely with Alcoholics Anonymous.  In talking about his work Barry often quoted the Serenity Prayer adopted by AA, which is usually attributed to the Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr:  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."  

File:Logo AA.svg

         Though he had never had a problem with alcohol, Spencer was fascinated by AA and its work, and was now totally devoted to working with Barry to help gay friends and couples who were fighting alcoholism.  Their work involved close friendships, counseling, and meetings animated by an almost religious fervor -- a communion that functioned on three levels simultaneously: social, emotional, and spiritual.  This was not my world or concern, but I wished them well.

         I had not seen Spencer for a year or two when Barry sent me the invitation to Spencer’s memorial service, to be held on February 21, 1982, at St. Luke in the Fields.  When I went, I found a large basement hall filled with a crowd that included Spencer’s three siblings; Barry presided.  As announced in the invitation, it was not a religious service.  Tributes were paid to Spencer, and people were invited to speak.  Many gay friends praised Spencer for his help in their recovery from alcoholism, even telling of how, although sick and bedridden, he had called a meeting of one group and announced from his sick bed, “No self-pity!”  Having long recommended the Serenity Prayer to others, he was now living it.  Put off by all the AA participants, one man in his forties got up to declare, “I’m a two-fisted drinker.”  This bothered no one; they were used to such comments from the non-addicted.

         After many others had spoken, I got up and told them of my long friendship with Spencer, and of his misbehavior at school.  “Spencer terrorized that school,” I announced, with comic exaggeration that was at times close to the truth.  Then, shifting rhetorical gears, I told of his cult of royalty, especially British, ending with his reverential announcement, “And now we are going to look at my scrapbook of the coronation.” 

         At the end of the memorial service, Spencer’s sister Ellen, the only sibling old enough to remember me, called me over and insisted with a smile, regarding her brother’s behavior at school, “It wasn’t as bad as that.”  I too smiled, but having witnessed it, I knew what I knew.  Barry thanked me, seeing in Spencer’s antics at school the seeds of his later spunk and determination to help his troubled friends.  After the service he went off on a cruise with a woman friend to relax and take stock of things, now that his partner was gone.

         Spencer had died on January 1, 1982.  Instead of sending flowers, he asked his friends to make donations for Karposi’s Sarcoma research.  What Karposi's Sarkoma was, I had no idea, but whatever it was, I assumed that Spencer had died of it.  A mystery, and a deadly one.  Only later, as word of the AIDS epidemic spread, did I realize that Spencer was one of its first victims in the city.  At the time of his death, the term “AIDS,” meaning Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, hadn’t even been invented.  It was first used by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in a statement dated September 24, 1982, some nine months after Spencer’s death.  And only in 1984 would HIV, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, be identified as the cause of AIDS.  But already, on March 4, 1983, the CDC had announced that AIDS primarily afflicted homosexual men, injection drug users, Haitians, and hemophiliacs.  And talk of the Gay Plague began.

         Karposi’s Sarcoma, I have since learned, was one of the AIDS-defining illnesses of the 1980s.  A skin cancer discovered by Moritz Karposi, a Hungarian physician, in 1872, it was an opportunistic infection facilitated by the patient’s weakened immune system.  Caused by a virus different from HIV, it was presumably spread through saliva.  “Deep kissing” by gay men and bisexuals was thought to be responsible.  When hospitalized for tests in 1981, Spencer had been given two diagnoses: Karposi’s Sarkoma and lobar pneumonia.  Pneumonia could be treated with antibiotics; KS, being viral, could not.  Though his relationship with Barry was solid, from stray remarks of theirs I gathered that Spencer and Barry had met in a gay bath house, and that their relationship was open, allowing each partner casual adventures on the side.  This may have made them vulnerable, whereas Bob and I, being strictly monogamous, were not.

         So there I was in 1982, witnessing one of the first AIDS deaths in the city, without even knowing it at the time or having heard the terms “AIDS” and “HIV.”  Both terms would soon become a part of the city’s and the world's daily vocabulary for many years to come.

File:AIDS cases worldwide 1979-1995.png
Chart showing the spread of AIDS
in the late 1980s and 1990s.

        In 1985, through a friend I learned that Barry Leach had died of a heart attack.  His death and Spencer’s were a great loss to the gay community.  They had worked so hard and done so much for so many.  For me personally, with Spencer died a part of my youth.

Coming soon:  Five Things I Hate, with commentary.  And Five Weird Things I Love.

©  2019  Clifford Browder