I HATE COMPUTERS
They are evil, treacherous, and stupid. I had intended to do a double post this week, combining the Golden Throne with an account of Silas and me at the Brooklyn Book Festival, who we met, and how we did. Unfortunately, through a fluke I still don't understand, the double post was deleted -- hours of work -- by my villainous computer, and I don't have it in me to restore it to its full length and complexity. What follows below is a skimpy earlier version of the Throne post, secured from my computer, minus later retouches and the Brooklyn fair. I repeat:
I HATE COMPUTERS
Crime of the Century Theft of the Golden Throne
It’s gone, stolen, vanished,
whisked away! The golden throne, that
masterpiece by Maurizio Cattelan, was snatched early Saturday, September 14, at Blenheim Palace, Oxfordshire, the birthplace and family
home of Winston Churchill, where it had been installed in Churchill's bathroom. Such a loss
grieves me to the quick. Perhaps I
exaggerate in calling it the crime of the century, when we’re only nineteen
years into the 21st, but if exaggeration it is, it reflects my shock
and chagrin at such a calamity, a horrendous loss to the art world. Obsessed with Brexit, the Brits failed to
provide adequate security for one of the world’s great treasures.
Though once acclaimed in this blog – though I don’t know
exactly where – Mr. Cattelan’s Golden Throne may have escaped the attention of
some viewers. The chef-d’oeuvre I’m
referring to is a solid 18-karat gold commode (i.e., toilet) whose dazzling
presence once graced the confines of the Guggenheim Museum here in New York. Furthermore, when installed there it was
functional, it could actually be used. The Guggenheim’s artistic director announced
in 2017 that more than 100,000 people had waited patiently in line to “commune with art and with nature.” And to take selfies, though not, so far as I can tell, of themselves enthroned. Selfies, hundreds of them, visible online. Never let
it be said that Americans don’t in the highest degree appreciate art.
 |
| stu_spivack |
The object of this reverence, being made of 103 kilograms of
gold, would, if melted down, be worth more than $4 million. And if converted into gold bars, there would
be no way to trace them. The police have
arrested a 66-year-old man in connection with the heist, but they have not as
yet charged him. They believe that a
group of culprits using at least two vehicles were involved. And to make matters worse, Mr. Cattelan’s
work was connected to the plumbing of the building, so that its removal caused
significant damage and flooding. I find
it scandalous that this heinous crime was reported in the New York Times of Sunday, September 15, in an article buried in the
first section on page 18. And all the
more scandalous, since Mr. Cattelan lovingly named his throne “America.” The artist meant his elite object to be
available to all. It was, then, a gift
to the American people, and the American people should grieve at its loss. (Mr. Cattelan had hoped it would be installed in the White House, but the White House declined the honor.) May it soon be recovered intact and restored
to its intended function, to the joy of all.
Source note: This post was inspired by Kaly Soto’s
article, “Golden John Gets Jacked In Art Heist,” in the first section of the New York Times of Sunday, September 15,
2019.
Coming soon: No idea. Maybe something, maybe nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment